// hobbies
Wayne once built a smart toaster that connects to WiFi, sends push notifications when your toast is ready, and posts about it on social media. The toast was cold by the time he finished debugging the notification system. He also owns a DIY weather station that only reports the weather from inside his apartment.
He's participated in 47 hackathons and won exactly zero of them. But he did finish one submission 15 minutes early, and the judges' feedback was 'interesting approach' - which is code for 'we have no idea how this works but it compiles.' He is the undisputed champion of his one-bedroom apartment's coding competitions.
Every Friday night (yes, Friday night), Wayne evaluates a new JavaScript framework. His evaluation criteria: (a) Does it have a cute mascot? (b) Does it solve a problem I definitely don't have? (c) How fast can I build a counter app with it? Current verdict: still waiting for one that makes the coffee.
Wayne maintains a personal bug tracker where he rates bugs by personality. His favorite bug was one where the code only crashed on Tuesdays. Turns out the time library was allergic to the letter T. True story? Absolutely not. But it should be. He also goes to Stack Overflow just to answer questions about bugs he's never encountered.
After 7 years of practice, Wayne can finally center a div without consulting Stack Overflow. He considers this his greatest achievement. He now mentors younger developers on this sacred journey, passing down ancient wisdom like 'flexbox is just a suggestion' and 'have you tried adding position: relative?'
Wayne pulls requests with such force that his npm install commands produce a sonic boom. His node_modules folder weighs more than his car. He has personally contributed to making JavaScript the most-depended-upon ecosystem in the world and is not sorry. He once deleted node_modules and reinstalled just to watch the progress bar.